Honeymoon Babies

First off, I want to say that ultimately, all kid decisions should be made between the two spouses only, and when they feel the time is best for them. 

Honeymoon babies. For me, this term means any child conceived or born within the first two years of marriage.

I'm just going to write my heart on this one.

I have several friends (nearly a dozen total) that fall into one of two categories: Those that have been married less than two years and have kids or are expecting, and those that are getting married (or just got married) that are planning on having kids right away. When I look at these friends I get really sad for them. In my life I've seen and spent time with a lot of different families. There is one thing that I think, based on my observations and conversations with people from all stages of life, that is a huge factor in how strong, fulfilling, and happy a marriage can be.

I think that factor is how long they wait to have a baby. I'm not saying don't have kids. I'm not even saying don't have kids when you're young and first married. I'm just saying think about it a lot first.

I've read and heard that the "honeymoon bliss" lasts about two years. I've read it in several different marital books and heard it from a few different pastors, I don't know that it's fact but it does make sense.  It's the idea that it takes about two years for the "in love, absolute bliss" feelings to fade, and for couples to realize that they married a real, breathing, annoying person. Supposedly, it takes that long to stop seeing the other person as perfect.

It's kinda like with roommates. It starts out great, and you're both excited, but then someone forgets to fill the dishwasher, or leaves clothes all over the floor, or uses the other person's special fork, and then it's not as much fun anymore. Then it's real life, and real life is messy.

I feel like it's the same in marriage. Sometimes it takes a while to go from these great expectations to reality. I feel like once you get to that reality stage, that's when you find out what kind of marriage you really have.

I don't think anyone will argue that it takes two wholly committed people with a good, strong marital foundation to raise a family. You need to know each other better than anyone else, and you need to have gone through some rough patches; you need to know how each of you handles difficulties.  Your kids need the best possible parents they can have, and your marriage's strength will play a big part in that.

I don't feel like it's probable that a couple will truly have that great solid foundation within just the first couple of years. You're still trying to figure out this whole marriage thing, and there's all kinds of new to get used to, and starting out on your own as a couple can be hard. So why make it harder?

Honestly, this is my heart: I feel so sorry for my friends that are so young in their relationship and are already embarking on the most challenging (and rewarding) task possible. I worry that even though they are excited about their coming baby, they don't understand or haven't considered the long term effect on their relationship. Kids are forever. The couple will never just be ___ & ___ again, they will always be parents. I believe those first few years together are a precious gift, and one that can not ever be gotten back once given up. It's a time to get to know each other better, laugh and have fun, have a clean house, sleep through the night, be able to do all the things that a couple can't (or is incredibly hard to do) once they have little kids. It's this magical time of just being together and cherishing every moment spent alone with each other.

I have know couples that waited years before having kids, and still have a lot of struggles and I know couples that had kids right away that have great relationships. So this idea isn't conclusive, but it's something to think about.

Kids are great and if you want them that's awesome, but you have your whole lives to be parents. There is a finite number of years you have alone together. Don't lose them.